1. Don’t play silly games with the opposite sex:
Why do people keep making this mistake? One good reason is to for ego protection. Everyone fears rejection in any form. Acting aloof or arrogant is not the best attitude to have. You should always strive for a balance between showing “interest” and going over-board. You’ll find a healthier relationship by being genuine. Don’t lie or mislead. It's OK to put your best foot forward, and also to be a bit cautious, but have the courage to be upfront and show who you are.
2. Don’t Give Out Too Much Info About Your EX:
This information will eventually be shared, but hold off on the gory details until later. Make sure you know the person before discussing all the details concerning your dirty laundry. If you have lots of past baggage, then best to talk with a therapist before pursuing a new relationship, at least to a point where it isn't affecting your reactions and clouding your judgment.
3. Don’t Fantasize About The Future:
Men are usually the master game players, however women usually have this one down very well. Ladies, don’t start “trying-on” his last name before your third dinner date. Remember, things could change. In the first 3-6 months of a relationship, you could be living in La-La land. The “falling in love” chemistry is fun and the feeling of euphoria can be clouding your judgment also. Some call it temporary insanity because you may not be in total control of your faculties. Until you have enough time to seriously know someone and observe him or her in a wide range of situations, it is helpful to not start fantasizing; don't strongly attach yourself to some illusion that you have created about the person. This can lead to unrealistic expectations and disillusionment or depression if the relationship doesn't work out.
4. Don’t Go Worrying About Details:
This is a very common mistake. Being a worry-wart may be a general habit, but it could turn into the subject of the relationship: worry about what the other person said, worry about what they meant by it, worry about how you reacted, worry about the relationship not working out, worry about what if it does work out, how will your parents react…on and on. Being anxious is a mood killer, and will not make you attractive to a potential mate. But don't go worrying about that! Strongly suggest you tap into your self-confidence and trust that if the relationship is meant to work out, then it will.
5. Don’t Ignore The Red Flags:
If you’re stood up. That’s called a big red flag. If they don’t let you call them at home, yep, red flag. If they kick your dog or pick up your kitty and toss it against the wall – BINGO! Red Flag! Naturally, it’s easy to over-look some warnings because you’re anxious for the relationship to work. Try your best to be observant of character flaws. If you start to see a pattern of “flaws” that are not comforting to you – then you may want to wake up and smell the coffee. This person may not be for you.
6. Don’t Interrogate Your Date:
On the first date – it’s not a good idea to ask really personal questions. Talking about when their deadline date for getting married is or how many children they want is not a good thing to chat about on the first date. Keep it light and find about each other’s interests. Tell a few jokes, people watch and laugh. Slowly get to know each other. Allow the other person to feel comfortable. Don’t ask about their most favorite sex position or when they had their last talk with their minister. These are personal questions – and you’re not at that level at this point. Seriously, you don’t have the right to even receive a response from these questions.
7. Don’t Avoid Intimacy:
Men usually corner the market on the commitment area – but women are also doing a great nowadays also. Society confuses everyone about what makes a “good” husband and what makes a “good” wife. We don't want to accept 2nd best and the quest for the perfect mate will cause you to overlook or undervalue a truly great partner. Alternatively, we might be so fearful of getting hurt, betrayed or rejected, that we quickly EXIT off the train before it really starts moving down the tracks. If fear of commitment is an obstacle and feel you have a problem, then go see a qualified therapist.
8. Don’t Rush In - Rush Out:
Are you reckless in love? Do you plunge into the deep end, only to find that the water is way too cold? Anyone who gets “too” involved too soon is a big red flag. If you do it, then you need to pace yourself, and be more considerate of the other person, who you are probably leading down a hurtful path. If you fall for those who do it, then you need to slow things down and not get taken for a ride (or pursue a different type!).
9. Don’t Being Honest About Your Needs:
Don’t pretend everything is OK – when it’s not. Acting like everything is peachy is detrimental. Unless you can ascertain and directly communicate your needs (by being clear and specific), then you are basically operating on a child level – it’s not very mature. It’s tough to get your needs met when the other person is working at a child’s level. Being assertive is not about being a demanding bitch or some control freak. You should be tactful and direct. It will create a more successful relationship. Each person should get their needs met – not just one.
10. Don’t Give Away Too Much For The Relationship:
Don’t do things you normally don’t do in order to get attention. Bending over backwards can only give you a back-ache. People don’t respect “doormats”. If you have low esteem problems, then you need to get professional consultation because you’ll never truly get your needs met and you partner will have problems too. Valuing yourself enough to put your needs on the table as well as the other person's is key in establishing balance and harmony. A healthy relationship is one between two equals, both giving and receiving.
If you find that you are in a relationship that has a lot of benefits but there are some kinks that need to be addressed, best to discover effective ways of handling these conflicts early on.
Let me help you with other dating issues and maybe help find you an exciting date. Come grab a FREE digital "Dating Secrets" book right now.
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